Go to all chapters of "Medium Security" and "The Outsiders".
"Justin! Hello!" said Mel, opening the front door. "And Brian -- welcome!"
"Hi, Miss Marcus," said Justin as the boys walked into the house and followed their hostess into the living room. "I was telling Brian what a nice house you two have."
"Why thank you, Justin," said Mel, smiling. She was very proud of the home she and Lindsay had made together. But after being in a relationship for six years they were looking for something more. A real family. And now -- Mel hoped -- it might be possible.
She had only met Brian Kinney once before when they had all gotten together for dinner at the diner only a week before. Mel had been impressed with the man then, but after reading some excerpts from his forthcoming book that Justin had provided she was even more fascinated by this former political prisoner.
Melanie Marcus was a committed feminist and lesbian. She ordinarily had as little to do with men as was possible in this sexist, patriarchal, and homophobic society. Yes, she worked with men in her capacity as a lawyer, but in her home life and social life it was an all-female world. A world of strong 'wimmin' who did not need men to feel complete.
However, there was one thing that still could not be done without a man -- at least at the initial stage of the process.
Justin and Brian sat down on the sofa and Mel offered them some herbal tea and cookies that Lindsay had baked.
"Lindz is upstairs with our friend Margery Riggs," Mel said. "Marge is an RN and an expert on this particular procedure."
Brian coughed nervously. He didn't really want to hear about any of the technical stuff. The thought of it made him more than a little queasy. "That's good. I'm glad someone around here is an expert at this."
"Oh, yes," Mel agreed. "Lindsay is in very competent hands."
"That's great," said Justin, taking a peanut butter cookie and shoving it into his mouth. "These cookies are really good."
Mel smiled. "Lindsay makes everything from scratch. She's a wonderful cook."
"And a wonderful teacher, too," Justin added. He had loved taking Lindsay's Art History course and gotten an easy A in it.
It must have been Fate that had placed Justin on the afternoon shift at the Liberty Diner only two weeks before. That's when his former teacher and her girlfriend walked in and sat in the back booth. Lindsay was weeping and Mel was trying to comfort her. Justin immediately came to the table with a pot of tea, two lemon bars, and a sympathetic ear.
The two women told him then that the sperm bank they had been planning to use to add a child to their family had found out that Lindsay and Mel were lesbian partners and rejected them. Which meant that they would have to start back at square one and look either for another more broad-minded sperm bank or for an independent donor.
"Where do you find a smart, good-looking man who is also politically aware enough to help a couple of dykes who want a baby?" Mel had griped to Justin while Lindsay dabbed at her red-rimmed eyes.
"Sounds like you're talking about my boyfriend Brian," Justin had returned. "He's amazingly beautiful, intelligent, and he's a very politically aware gay man."
Lindsay had stopped sniffing and looked up at the boy. "Brian Kinney," she mused. Justin had already told her the story of how the two men had met in prison. The original Kinney trial had been infamous when Lindsay was in college. And Brian's re-trial and release had been a huge story only a few months ago. "Tell us a little more about his family background. And his health. And anything else you can think of, Justin."
"I'll go up and let Lindz and Marge know you're here," said Mel. "And all ready to go, I assume?"
"Yup," Brian nodded. "All ready to go."
"You bet!" Justin chimed in.
Mel went upstairs and Brian exhaled loudly. "I hope this is the right thing to do, kid. Because if it isn't...." Brian pulled out a stick of gum, popped it into his mouth, and began chewing compulsively. He was dying for a fucking cigarette!
"It is the right thing, Brian," Justin confirmed. "You're doing a favor for a couple of very nice ladies -- I mean, wimmin. And you're also contributing to the cause of Gay Liberation."
"Gay Liberation?" Brian smiled at his lover's enthusiasm. This whole thing had been Justin's idea and he couldn't have been more excited if it was his own sperm that was going to be squirted up this strange lesbian's twat. "How do you figure that?"
Justin leaned against him. "Because straights always say that gay people can't have families. That their relationships aren't real. Doing this will help to negate that stereotype, Brian. And you're always saying that every homosexual has to live his or her everyday life like it's a political statement."
"Oh?" Brian raised an eyebrow. "Is that what I'm always saying?"
"You know what I mean!" Justin punched Brian's arm gently. "It's solidarity with our lesbian sisters!"
"I thought it was a teacup full of spunk!" Brian retorted. "Or a couple of cups, since I have to come back here tomorrow and do this again. Probably even the day after that, too."
"I know," said Justin. "That's so they're sure it will take. Lindsay told me they want to make certain."
"I only want to get this over with before we leave town," Brian added. "Unless I can mail them some more of my special juice from Florida?"
Justin grinned. "I don't think so, Brian. I don't think that's the kind of juice Florida is famous for!"
"Thank you, Anita Bryant!" Brian cracked.
A tall, grey-haired woman came down the stairs and into the living room. "You must be Brian," she said, extending her hand. This had to be Margery Riggs, the nurse.
The pair stood up. "Yes, ma'am," said Brian, shaking her hand. "Did you get my medical reports? I had the doc send them directly to Miss Marcus' office."
"Yes," she replied. "I looked them over and everything looks fine. You're in excellent health, Brian."
"That's a relief to know," Brian said to Justin.
"Lindsay and Mel are upstairs in the main bedroom," Marge explained. "You can go into the smaller bedroom. I've put a plastic cup in there for you. Please try to get as much as possible directly into the cup. Every little bit counts."
Brian winced. "I'll try to aim as well as I can."
"And I'll help him," Justin volunteered.
"I assumed that you would, dear," said Marge.
Marge was a bit dubious about selecting someone the mothers didn't know very well, but this tall and undoubtedly handsome man was the one Lindsay and Melanie had decided would be the father of their baby, so who was she to judge? "If you boys would follow me? Please?"
Brian and Justin went up the steep stairs in Marge's no-nonsense wake. She ushered them into a small room with a single bed and a bed table with a plastic cup sitting on it.
"I'll leave you to it, boys," Marge said. "Knock when you're finished." And she went out, shutting the door behind her.
"You think they're really going to use a turkey baster?" Brian questioned as he unzipped the fly of his worn jeans.
"I don't know, Brian," said Justin. "I didn't want to ask."
Brian took out his dick and stroked it slowly. What if he couldn't get it up? What if he was too nervous?
But Justin took matters into his own hands. And then into his warm mouth. Brian sighed and was standing firm in a few moments. And very soon the plastic cup was no longer empty.
"You won't be sorry about this, Brian," Justin reassured him as they walked out of the house and got into the Thunderbird. "Maybe Lindsay will have a boy! You'll have a son!"
"Christ," Brian gulped. "A son."
He suddenly had a sinking feeling. But it was too late to go back now. The deed was done. His sperm was like the Starship Enterprise, going where no man had gone before! And it wasn't going to come back.
Brian gunned the T-bird's engine and the car jackrabbited down the road. It was almost time for them to get the fuck out of Dodge. Time for both of them to get their heads together. Just the two of them. On the Road.
He couldn't wait.
"Lindsay and Mel have been together for six years," Justin stated. "That's a long time."
He checked the clock-radio to make certain the alarm was set. He had to be at the diner at 6:00 a.m. for the breakfast shift and he didn't want to be late because it was his final day.
"It depends on what your idea of a long time is," said Brian. He thought about his own ten years in prison and his eight years as Ron's punk.
"I mean it's long to be in a relationship," said Justin. "Is that why they want a baby? Because they've been together so long?"
Brian shrugged. "I think they want a baby because they're women and women want babies. At least that's what I've always been told they want. Because believe me, I'm no fucking expert on females!"
"But Mel is such a radical feminist," said Justin. He pulled off his shorts and climbed into bed next to Brian. "You wouldn't think she'd want a baby."
"Maybe it's Lindsay who's hot to have a kid," Brian suggested. "And her girlfriend is only going along with it to shut her up?"
"Maybe," said Justin. "Seems weird to think that next spring you might be a father."
Brian shook his head. "I'm not a father, kid. I'm a sperm donor. All those women wanted was a cup of my jizz and nothing more. The last thing they want is some man hanging around and playing 'Da Da' with their kid."
"But what if it's a boy?" Justin asked. "He'll want to know who his father is. He might want to do things with you. I would if it were me."
"That's you, Justin." Brian didn't care for this conversation. It brought back too many dark memories from his own childhood, a time he'd rather forget entirely. "But for me -- I would've been a lot happier if my old man had taken a powder before I was born and never showed up again."
Justin hated to hear Brian say that. Even if his own father, Craig, was being an asshole lately, Justin's childhood had been a happy one, privileged and secure. He had never wanted for any material goods and he'd enjoyed the trappings of a classic WASP upbringing -- a big house in a good neighborhood, private schools, country clubs. And Justin had never doubted that his parents loved him. Never had a care in the world. At least until he began to feel a stirring in his dick whenever he looked at other boys.
"Let's hope the baby is a girl," Brian said. "Then I won't be expected to do anything. The dykes will have their budding little feminist and the big bad sperm donor can remain anonymous."
"But Brian...," Justin tried to continue.
"No buts." Brian cut him off by reaching over and snapping off the lamp next to the bed. "I thought you had to get up early tomorrow? Your big day at the diner."
"My last day at the diner," said Justin. "I'll miss working there. And I'll miss the great tips."
"I'm hoping that once the book comes out I'll actually make some money from it," said Brian. "Then you won't need those tips. You can concentrate on college and your artwork."
"The book is going to be a best seller," Justin asserted. "Amy Carver says so. Ron says so. Everybody says so!"
"We'll see." Brian closed his eyes and wondered about the future.
'The Quad' covered Brian's involvement with Glenn and the Penn State Bombers, his trial, and his first months in prison, ending with Ron taking him out of the low-riders' tip and making him his 'associate' in the PLD. The publisher, Lewis-Fisher and Company, was already talking about a sequel that would cover the rest of Brian's term at Stanton Correctional. Brian had a lot of material about those subsequent years, mainly dealing with his work with the Prisoners' Legal Defense. However, there was also a lot he had not written about. The extent of his relationship with Ron. Being taken hostage by Turner and his Bros during 'The Happening,' as well as the deep depression that had followed. Justin's entrance into Stanton and his rape. Brian's confrontation with the low-riders and his stabbing. And, finally, Justin's release, followed by Brian's own release and re-trial.
These were all things that Brian would have to deal with in a sequel. Have to think about. Write about in detail. Brian wasn't sure he could do it. But he might well have to do it, especially if 'The Quad' was as successful as everyone expected it to be. He wasn't looking forward to dredging up all of those memories.
"It's pretty warm in here," Justin commented. They had an old air conditioner in the bedroom window that rumbled and gurgled and even blew a little cool air into the room, but not much. Justin ran his hand down Brian's long body and took hold of his cock. "Definitely getting much warmer in here!"
Brian put his hand over Justin's. "I'm supposed to be conserving my sperm, remember? So I can fill that cup again tomorrow."
"I don't think you'll have any trouble filling that cup," Justin reasoned. "But if you do have any problem, then I can add a little something in there to top it up. Lindsay and Mel will never know the difference."
"Ah," said Brian. "You have an answer for everything, don't you, kid?"
"I try to," Justin replied smugly.
"They should have asked you to be the donor in the first place," Brian declared.
"I offered," Justin admitted. "But Lindsay and Mel thought I was too young. Besides, you and Lindsay should make a great-looking kid. Lindsay is tall and pretty -- and you're amazing, Brian! Any kid you make would be amazing, too!"
"Flattery will get you everywhere, Sunshine," Brian laughed.
Justin was now working Brian's dick vigorously with his hand. "Get the lube," Justin whispered.
"We should buy this stuff by the case," said Brian, retrieving the tube from the drawer. "We better take enough with us on the trip. Who knows where we'll be able to buy lube on the back roads of the rural South?"
"Then we'll have to use Crisco," said Justin, slicking up Brian's hard cock. "Or cream rinse. Just like we did back in the Quad. We'll use our imaginations."
"And I have plenty of imagination." Brian flipped Justin over onto his back.
Brian liked doing it face-to-face. Liked to have Justin's mouth available to kiss and probe with his tongue. Liked to hear Justin's sharp intact of breath as Brian's dick entered him. Liked to listen to Justin's little murmurs and squeaks as they both approached orgasm.
"Fuck, Brian!" Justin gasped. "Oh, fuck!"
"Oh, God!" Brian breathed, coming hard, his dick buried deep in Justin's plentiful ass.
"That was great," Justin sighed as Brian pulled himself out. "I think I got better than a cupful with that one."
"Yes, but you won't have to deal with the consequences nine months from now," Brian added.
But Justin was quiet while Brian wiped them both off with a handful of tissues.
"Brian? Do you think we'll still be together in six years?" Justin asked finally.
Brian frowned. "I don't know." Brian paused. He hated thinking about things like that. About the day that Justin might outgrow him and move on. Brian was well aware that nothing lasted forever, sometimes not even love.
"Do you want to be with me six years from now, Brian?" Justin asked tentatively. "I mean -- do you think you'll still love me?"
"Of course," Brian said simply. "But it's not me who'll be the one to decide that, kid. It'll be you. You're the one with your whole life ahead of you. You're only 20 years old, after all. When you're 26 you might be a completely different person."
But Justin shook his head. "I doubt that, Brian. I'll still be Justin Taylor. I'll still be gay. And you'll still be you." He sighed and moved closer to his lover. "I can't see changing my feelings. I'll still need you -- and you'll still need me to take care of you." Justin closed his eyes in contentment. "We'll still love each other in 1985. Nothing can change that. Nothing."
Brian touched Justin's golden hair with his lips. "I hope you're right, Justin," he whispered. "I hope you're right."
Towards the end of his final shift at the diner, Justin suddenly became very tired.
It had been a bitch of a morning, really, really busy, and Justin had found himself in the weeds more than once. Finally he managed to slip out the back door for a few minutes to get his bearings, leaning up against the dumpster and taking deep, gulping breaths.
Justin tried to put on a brave face, but sometimes things began to overwhelm him and there was nothing he could do about it. He'd talked to his therapist about it, who told him it was a normal reaction after all he had been through in the past two years. He'd suffered a lot of trauma, both physical and mental, and that was bound to affect him. It was normal. Natural. Something that they would work through -- eventually.
But Justin didn't like to let anyone see his vulnerability, even if only for a moment. That lesson learned in the Quad was still firmly in place. Never let them see you cry. Never let anyone know how weak you are. Or how close to the surface your emotions are.
No, not even Brian.
Justin had to show Brian how strong he was. That he was no longer a punk, but a man. That Brian didn't need to worry about him every minute of the day. Didn't need to protect him.
It didn't matter that Justin was also overly protective of Brian. Justin felt that he needed to be the strong one now. He was Brian's buffer against the outside world. The one Brian could depend on. So he couldn't afford to let Brian know how truly scared he was much of the time.
"There you are, Sunshine!" said Debbie, coming out into the alley. "Whatcha doing? Having a smoke?"
"I don't smoke, Deb," said Justin. "You know that." He glanced at his watch. "My shift is almost over and I'm just taking a breather. Brian is going to pick me up in about 20 minutes. We have a long of list things we have to do before we leave for Florida."
Debbie grinned. "I know you do, honey. But in the meantime get your pretty butt in here and finish taking orders! I'm up to my own ass in customers and I need some help!"
Justin sighed. "Sorry, Deb. I didn't mean to leave you hanging."
Justin followed Deb back into the diner, through the kitchen, and out onto the floor. The first person he saw was his mother, standing there smiling at him.
"Mom? What are you doing here?" Justin was confused.
Jennifer laughed. "Surprise!" she shouted -- and everyone in the booths and at the counter jumped up, clapping. Most of Justin's regular customers were there and the staff that was supposed to be off-duty, too. Someone brought out a banner that read, 'Good Luck, Justin!' And there were lots of balloons -- and Debbie with a large cake.
"What's going on?" said Justin, dumbfounded.
"It's your Going Away Party, honey!" said Jennifer, hugging him tightly.
"Yeah, and also to celebrate your last day working in this dump!" Debbie added. "Congratulations, Sunshine!"
"I... I can't believe it," Justin mumbled. "You guys really faked me out. I wondered why it was so crowded in here today."
"Come on, let's cut the cake and get this show on the road," said Debbie. "We were waiting for your goofy boyfriend to show up, but, as usual, he's late."
"Brian took the car to Ron's mechanic to get it checked out for the trip, so that's probably why he was held up," Justin explained.
"Well, if he doesn't get any cake it's his own problem," said Debbie, making the cut. "First piece goes to our guest of honor!" And everyone in the diner cheered.
"I can't believe you and Deb did this," said Justin a little while later. He'd had two pieces of cake already, plus some of Deb's homemade pizza.
"It was Debbie's idea," Jennifer admitted. "Everyone loves you here and she wanted you to know it." Jenn picked at her piece of cake, which had a pink frosting flower on it. "Ronnie wanted to be here, but he has another appointment. Would you like to open your presents now?"
"Presents?" Justin blinked. "You got me presents?"
"Just a few odds and ends," said Debbie, butting in. "Over here!" she called and Juanita, one of the waitresses, and Ed, who worked the grill, brought out some wrapped packages.
Most of the gifts were small things to use on a trip -- maps, a travel alarm-clock, travel-sized samples of shaving cream, deodorant, and packets of Kleenex. And from Debbie -- five tubes of premium lube.
"So you don't run out before you get back to civilization!" she crowed.
"Thanks, Deb," said Justin. He noticed that Jennifer turned bright red when he unwrapped the lube -- while everyone else laughed loudly. "I appreciate it. And so will Brian!"
"And finally," said Jennifer, pushing a large wrapped item from behind the counter.
Justin tore off the blue paper. It was a large leather suitcase. "This is beautiful, Mom! I was going to take my old duffle bag, but this is so much nicer!"
"It was Ron's idea, darling," said Jennifer. "There's a matching case for Brian, too. See? This one has your initials on it."
"That's the nuts, Jenn," Debbie nodded. "So classy."
"Gee, Mom," said Justin, fighting back tears. "I don't know what to say."
"I know I've been a neighsayer about your trip, Justin," Jennifer replied, putting her arms around him. "But I want you have a good time. I really do."
"Thanks, Mom." Justin clung tightly to his mother. It had been a long time since he had felt like a little boy, but he felt like one now. And like it really was the last time. The end of his childhood. Like his mother was finally letting him go.
"All I ask is that you -- and Brian -- be careful," she whispered. "I don't want anything to happen to you. Every time you're out of my sight I'm s... so afraid." Jennifer's voice broke. "But Ronnie says that I can't be clingy. That you're not a little boy anymore. You're a man."
"I'm trying to be," said Justin, turning his face away to wipe at his eyes. "Sometimes it's hard. Really hard."
"Well!" cried Debbie from across the room. "It's about time! You almost missed the cake!"
"Sorry, Deb. I couldn't help it."
Justin looked up when he heard the voice.
"Brian! Look at all the stuff we got!"
Brian was standing in the doorway of the diner. He looked so fucking amazing in a pair of old Levis that hung loosely on his hips and a white tank top that stretched tightly across his muscular chest. The hot July sun was streaming in through the open door, framing him in blinding light.
Then Ron walked in right behind him. He leaned over to Brian and whispered something in his ear -- and Brian smiled.
Posted June 23, 2006.